Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Temperature of Turkey

I decided to clean out a drawer yesterday. Just one. I called it my Pompeii Drawer because the dust resembled something like a volcanic eruption, not just a neglected Spare Parts Kitchen Drawer. In the drawer I found a meat thermometer. On the meat thermometer was a hook like the hook on a mechanical pencil. In my curiosity, I accidentally broke off the hook thing, but it made me wonder, "Do people really wear these around? Do meat thermometers always come with hook things so that at any given moment, I could pull it out of my pocket and measure the temperature of some meat? I don't know if I'd have room for it and my Texas Instruments calculator...." I have used my meat thermometer one time in 41 years. That is why it is in the Pompeii Drawer. I will probably never use it again. It made a perfectly fine turkey dinner into a nightmare.

I planned to use up everything I could in my chest freezer. The turkey seemed to linger as the meal that most needed to be made. Maybe because we weren't close to a single holiday when turkey is appropriate, the first week of February seemed like as good a time as any. I dutifully defrosted the turkey in the refrigerator. I stuck the turkey in the oven at 2 pm. By 6:30, surrounded by a starving family, I decided to call it done. On a whim, I also decided that tonight would be the first night I would try out a meat thermometer. 155 degrees. Sounded hot. According to the meat thermometer, however, I was well away from the recommended 180 degrees needed for "poultry." Back in the oven went the turkey. I called two friends: "Do they really mean 180 degrees? What if it's been in the oven for 4 1/2 hours?" I turned the oven to 400. I fed the family vegetables and bread. I checked the turkey. 165 degrees. Now it was time to pray. "Please don't let my family die eating this." They ate, they lived, my husband stuck the turkey back in the oven, I found it several hours later and threw it away.

I have a little more space in my freezer now.

5 comments:

Ethan Book said...

Marty - Great post! But, it did make me wonder ... especially after I spoke with my very inteligent wife. Do you think that maybe that clippy thing isn't there so that it can rest securely next to your TI-85 Graphing calculator in your pocket protector, but rather a clip that is there so you can clip it to the side of a pan when measuring the temperature of liquids (candies, jellies, etc.)?

Either way you broke it so I guess it is worthless now! Also, after hearing about how well you cook turkey I no longer wonder why you didn't like the pheasant that was prepared at your home ... did check it with your thermometer also?

Marty said...

I absolutely never thought about checking the temperature of liquids with it. That's because it says MEAT right on the side. I figure it's just pretty much useless all around. Unless Pampered Chef sells pocket protectors.

Whitney said...

This made me laugh! I love reading your blog!!

Ethan Book said...

Okay, now I feel totally useless! I even went and found it on the Pampered Chef website and they call it the, "Pocket Thermometer". Ouch ... I guess I'll stick to becoming a farmer and just stay out of the kitchen. Obviously you have everything under control ... except the turkey of course ...

Emma said...

i swear i saw a guy with a chessboard strapped to his belt last week